Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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