Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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