No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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