the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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