Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
