I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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