a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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