You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
