I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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