Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
