is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
