I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
