Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Church boner. Awkwardddd
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
