I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
