Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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