It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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