I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
