yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
