So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
