yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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