think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
