shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
