I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
