3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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