How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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