There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize