yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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