you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
