She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
