We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
