Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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