How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
True strength comes from lack of pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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