You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
