That's intense
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
