i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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