My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
