just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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