Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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