i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
