ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
