So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
