Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
