someone owes me an orgasm
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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