What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
