She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
