my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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