he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
