my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You did what with his pubic hair?
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