you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
