I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
