i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
