i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
