Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
