the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
