i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
