I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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