Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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