I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
