I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
