We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
