Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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