Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
