I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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