He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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