i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
