were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
