Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
