i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
