Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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